Am I a Bad Mommy?

This week was just tough. I can't thank the heavens enough with the fact that it's finally weekend.

You see, hubby is off for a few weeks in Manila and I am left with one yaya to help me with my two firecrackers. I already prepared a chalkboard for the menu of the week, as well as noting when I should start the whole before-going-to-bed-and-me-preparing-for-office ritual for us. Apparently, the whole planning I did is just for the ideal situation I had in mind. I did not expect the rainy days, the fever, the tantrums, and the hurting ears complaints. Mostly the tantrums.

The week was a lot of shouting, yelling and getting that "belt" to threaten them to obey me. There were several times that I hit them, not too hard but I know there is pain felt. I know, I am a bad mommy. The less-than-the-needed amount of sleep, work, and basically running the household by myself with two toddlers in their terrible-twos stage, are enough to drive me to madness, almost. I am trying to discipline them, but my temperament gets the best of me that some of the things I did should not have been done. I am still thankful though, that whenever the wailing stops, tears dry up, and the smiles are back on their faces, they still want their mommy to sleep with them and not go to work. And when after a lot of cajoling on my part, they are willing to send me off to work and give their kisses, the love (hugs), their "noo" (forehead-to-forehead), and their nose-to-nose to their mommy, breaking away while saying "moyoy" (see you tomorrow).

I am hoping for a better week ahead. Just one more week and hopefully the support system is back (read: hubby). Kudos to all single moms out there who can single-handedly do this every day. You have my respect. I hope next week, I will be a much better mommy already. Someone who can discipline, but is creative in doing so, without the shouting and the belt.

In a few hours, I will be home, then I'll know. Fingers crossed.